Pickin A Kicker

There is really no debating that the kicker is the least-manly of all positions on a fantasy football roster. While the other guys are running, hitting, and showing off their greased up muscles, the kicker is on the sidelines playing with tees. 

I will say when I have little Dexters (give it like 30 years or so), I'm going to encourage them to do nothing but kick footballs. Seabastian Janikowski got paid nearly 5 million dollars in 2011...for kicking a football real hard. If you ever just sit down and try to wrap your head around this (or the outrageous salaries of athletes in general) you might have one of those "dust in the wind" moments. It's like thinking about the galaxy. Or black holes. Or how God got here before anything else. That one always gets me me. 

But the reason for me getting all philosophical is to basically say KICKERS ARE IMPORTANT. It's the reason I'm going to force my children to spend hours in the backyard, bare-foot kicking medicine balls (improving strength and toughness). It's also the reason you need to take your fantasy kicker seriously. Yea, he's probably some pudgy 40-year-old man who runs a 5.4 40-yard dash, but let's not judge a book by its cover. Let's judge the book by how many yards out they can be when they put a ball through the uprights. Isn't that the truest judge of character?

Pickin' Yo Kicker

• Get A Boot- A couple current guys who are notorious for the hitting the long ball are Sebastian Janikowski of the Raiders (remember the payroll?) and David Akers of the 49ers. Both kickers are in a four-way tie for the longest field goal made with a 63-yarder. Akers and Tom Dempsey are the only two record-holders who put it through the uprights outside the thin air of Mile High Stadium. Akers is actually my current kicker and he hasn't disappointed. I'll get into more match-up and offense oriented reasons for picking a kicker, but straight power always gets the job done. It's just easier knowing if your team has the ball at the 40, there's a chance your man can put it through the uprights from 57-yards out. 
• Pick An "Ehhh" Offense- Prolific scoring offenses like the Saints or the Falcons are great...if you like getting 1 point for PATs. No. You need the offense that is only "sorta" good. You want the team with the young quarterback who can't get it done in the clutch. You want the offense who gets stupid penalties in the red zone. Remember, you're not rooting for teams in fantasy football. If that's the case, you really don't get what this is all about, do you? The highest ranked kickers in the league right now? Greg Zuerlein for the 29th ranked Rams offense (points wise), and Jason Hanson of the 14th ranked Lions. 
• Defensive Matchups- Don't be afraid to do a little research, guys. Fantasy football is, after all, a huge deal. I've devoted an entire blog to it. Also, you're reading that blog. I'm going to put two and two together and guess that you play fantasy football and want to do well. Or you're just bored. Either way, listen up. Don't be afraid to pick up a new kicker based on that week's matchup. If a team with a decent kicker is going against a bend-but-don't-break defense (Panthers, Saints, and Raiders all give up TONS of field goals), scoop that kicker up. If you have a big name guy like a Janikowski or an Akers, I wouldn't recommend putting them on the waiver wire. But I'm saying maybe find room on your bench if you see a good matchup. Or you could just be that heartless guys that drops and picks up a new kicker every week. Never getting to really know that kicker as a person or really having an emotional connection. That's cold, bro. But that's how you could play it.