Blame The Refs: Week 3

628 yards. 3 interceptions. 1 fumble. 1 touchdown. This is the stat line for everyone on my fantasy team who isn't named RGIII or Darren McFadden. 10 of the 12 players on my team (counting a defense and a kicker), netted me 66.8 points. In Week 2, Eli Manning scored 81.8 points by himself! It was a terrible week for Howard's Heroes...

The entire replacement referee situation seems to have reached a tipping point with last night's "Well-Call-It-A-Catch-If-Golden-Tate-Can-Hug-M.D.-Jennings-In-The-Endzone" fiasco. Thank God. There is no doubt in my mind these refs directly had a hand in my players doing awful this week. Could you imagine the stress that must've been on these guys. Going out there, afraid to do anything really. For fear they might get hurt, or worse, wrongly penalized. We can talk more about these poopy refs later. Next week will be better. 

Until then...here's the lineup. 

Starting Lineup (Howard's Heroes)
QB- Cam Newton 242 Pass Yds, 3 Int, 6 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD 21.8
QB- Robert Griffin III 221 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD, 85 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD 40.6
RB- Darren McFadden 113 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD, 2 Rec Yds 34.5
RB- Reggie Bush 61 Rush Yds, 1 Rec Yd 6.2
WR- Brandon LaFell 27 Rec Yds 2.7
WR- Danny Amendola  66 Rec Yds 6.6 
WR- Victor Cruz 42 Rec Yds 4.2
TE- Jermichael Finley 60 Rec Yds 6.0
TE- Brandon Pettigrew 61 Rec Yds, 1 Fum 4.1
FLEX- Darren Sproles 62 Rush Yds 6.2
K- David Akers 1 PAT, 2 20-29, 1 Miss 40-49 7.0
Defense- Green Bay Packers 14 Pts, 1 Sck 2.0

DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO THIS LEAGUE, REPLACEMENT REFS?! 

You know when a dog's owner leaves the house on vacation, then the dog poops everywhere and chews up the furniture? That dog knows something is wrong. It wants to be happy but it just misses its owner so damn bad. All of my players (besides RGIII and Run DMC) obviously just had some Week 3 anxiety from their old friendly referees being on strike. This week I'm letting them sleep in the bed with me and giving them all Beggin' Strips. We should be fine. 

As far as my lineup goes I made a few slight changes. Garcon is still injured on my bench. Apparently the man has trench foot or something, I don't know what's going on with him. So anyway, I started the record-breaking Danny Amendola. This week the only thing he broke was my heart. At tight-end I picked up Jermichael Finley OFF THE WAIVERS (roommate got tired of having like 27 Packers on his team and gave me the tip-off). He didn't put up great numbers, but then again, neither did the Packers. Him and Pettigrew are both getting a lot of targets so I think I'll keep them around. For now...

I hate to take all the blame off of myself, REPLACEMENT REFS, so let me tell you how I screwed up this week. 

Dexter's Screw Up Of The Week 

Eric Decker? - He got 136 yards receiving (which is 23.6 points after a 100-yard game bonus), but why would I know that? Manning has been hitting Demaryius Thomas more than (insert any celebrity domestic violence joke here). You picked Chris Brown didn't you? But he has been hitting him a lot! I just figured Amendola might go off again, Victor Cruz would salsa dance a couple of times, and LaFell (and the entire Panthers offense) wouldn't take a huge dump on the field. 

So yea, that one was probably my screw up, but I'm still not taking the blame for losing. I can't read minds. I'm not Miss Cleo. Wait...you don't know who Miss Cleo is? 

If you're out there Miss, I could really use your help this week. Is Reggie Bush's knee ever going to not be bum? Check them tarot card and call me, babes. 

Wanna see the team I played?

The Bad Guys (GOB All Stars)
QB- Peyton Manning 330 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TD 55.0
QB- Andrew Luck 313 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TD, 1 Int, 50 Rush Yds 58.3
RB- Ryan Matthews 44 Rush Yds, 1 Fum, 32 Rec Yds 5.6
RB- Stevan Ridley 37 Rush Yds 3.7
WR- Dez Bryant 62 Rec Yds 6.2
WR- Brandon Marshall 71 Rec Yds 7.1 
WR- Julio Jones 67 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 12.7 
TE- Jacob Tamme 31 Rec Yds 3.1 
TE- Antonio Gates 22 Rec Yds 2.2
FLEX- Percy Harvin 89 Rec Yds, 9 Rush Yds 9.8
K- Dan Bailey 1 PAT, 2 20-29, 1 30-39 11.0
Defense- Detroit Lions 38 Pts, 2 Fum 0.0

As you can see, I played a bunch of bums this week. I don't know if this made it easier to swallow, knowing it was a fluke, or if it made me think the Football Gods were out to get me. Either way, the GOB All Stars got the better of me. But I'm not hanging my head. NOT HOWARD'S HEROES! 

Fun Fact: My friend Kyle got his fantasy name, the "GOB All Stars", from the old Dukes of Hazard television show. Bo and Luke Duke were famously referred to as "The Good Ol' Boys" by American country singer, Waylon Jennings in the theme song. It was also the nickname for the group of guys I ran around with in high school and still hang out with today. Four of those friends foolishly decided to get "Good Ol' Boy" tattoos, which will be engraved on their skin for forever and eternity. That was one of the funnest fun facts you will ever read. Real behind-the-scenes stuff...

Kyle's Screw Up Of The Week

Ehh - He could've started Antonio Brown and squeezed some more points out of one of those receiver positions, but he really had all his best guys out there. I'd say his biggest mistake just come from his continual day-to-day choices (remember the "Good Ol' Boys" tattoo?). Or maybe his screw up came on draft day, which he must've been ridiculously drunk for. He drafted Ryan Matthews with the 8th pick and Peyton Manning with the 9th. But I'm not here to be blasphemous, Kyle fair and square fluked me this week.

Damn those refs! The Heroes will rise again. Until then...

Howard's Heroes: 141.9  GOB All Stars: 174.7

Howard's Heroes 2-1

If you want to check on how drastically my team underachieved, check out last weeks score we posted. Ouch.

Crushing Dreams: Week 2

Drew's Dream Team. Such a clever name for my roommate to use for his sub-par band of misfits. There's some alliteration. Dream and Team rhyme, so that's fun. And also THEY GOT WHOOPED BY HOWARD'S HEROES! Whew...good times. And I really do mean whooped. Game wasn't even close. I kind of feel bad putting the score up on here actually. I heard some employers do internet searches of their prospective hires before they can get the job so this could literally ruin his life...

Anywho, here's the lineup!

Starting Lineup (Howard's Heroes)
QB- Cam Newton 253 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD, 71 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD 42.4
QB- Robert Griffin III 206 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD, 1 Int, 82 Rush Yds, 2 Rush TDs 50.8
RB- Darren McFadden 22 Rush Yds, 19 Rec Yds 4.1
RB- Reggie Bush 172 Rush Yds, 2 Rush TDs, 25 Rec Yds 48.7
WR- Victor Cruz 179 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 40.9
WR- Eric Decker MNF
WR- Brandon LaFell 90 Rec Yds, 25 Rush Yds 11.5
TE- Brandon Pettigrew 18 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 7.8
TE- Fred Davis 14 Rec Yds, 1 Rush Yd 1.5
FLEX- Darren Sproles 128 Rec Yds 22.8
K- David Akers 3 PAT, 1 30-39, 1 40-49 12.0
Defense- Packers 10 Pts, 7 Scks, 4 Ints 19.0

This week was really a thing of beauty. I didn't make any huge changes besides the acquisition of McFadden (who really just crapped the bed this week). Even though he didn't put up the numbers I was expecting, it makes me feel better just to have another big name back on the team next to Bush. Bush and the Miami offense that looked so terrible last week against the Texans posted 35 on the Raiders. The Raiders don't have near as good a defense as the Texans, but it was good to know Bush can put up ridiculous numbers when he is expected to do so.

Besides putting McFadden into the mix I made a couple of waiver wire pickups. One I was happy about, the other didn't pan out so well. Steve Smith was questionable this week for the Panthers and Brandon LaFell was a waiver wire pickup that no one even glanced at (in my league). He isn't the deep threat that Smith is, but I think he'll continue to put up big numbers with Newton. At TE, I picked up Fred Davis. My thinking was that RGIII would need a new favorite target in Pierre Garcon's absence. As you can see by the 14 yards Davis posted, Griffin didn't feel like utilizing his talents.

Dexter's Screw Up Of The Week

I decided that every week I will probably have one pretty big flaw in my lineup that you guys will want to know about. It probably gets frustrating feeling like you're reading a blog of this genius of the game. "Is he a real person?" you probably ask yourself. "Maybe he's just some robot who calculates statistics and the human psyche at the same time." Let me assure you I am a real person. I'm just cursed with this uncanny ability to make good judgement calls when it comes to beating both my roommates at Fantasy Football.

That being said, we all make mistakes. Here was mine this week...

Danny Amendola - He rode my bench. He tied Reggie Wayne for the first-half receptions record (with 12) and he rode my bench. I had a good feeling about the guy when I drafted him in the late rounds but I was treating him as a "wait and see" situation. I didn't know I'd only be waiting two weeks to watch him become weaponized in St. Louis. He finished the day with 160 Rec Yds and 1 Rec TD for 30.0 POINTS!!! I do pat myself on the back for recognizing the up-and-coming LaFell, but I immediately kick myself in the ass for benching the up-and-coming Amendola.

Now to the losers...

The Bad Guys (Drew's Dream Team)
QB- Drew Brees 325 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD, 2 Int, 1 Rush TD 48.5
QB- Alex Smith 226 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TD, 7 Rush Yds 35.3
RB- Michael Bush 54 Rush Yds 5.4
RB- Adrian Peterson 60 Rush Yds, 20 Rec Yds 8.0
WR- Anquan Boldin 7 Rec Yds 0.7
WR- Brandon Lloyd 60 Rec Yds 6.0
WR- Lance Moore 30 Rec Yds 3.0
TE- Aaron Hernandez 0 Anything 0.0
TE- Kyle Rudolph 35 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 9.5
FLEX- Frank Gore 89 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD, 16 Rec Yds 16.5
K- Matt Prater MNF
Defense- Bears 23 Pts, 5 Scks, 1 Int, 1 Fum 9.0

Isn't it cool how the name "Drew's Dream Team" could refer to my roommate Drew or his imaginary QB Drew Brees?!! Yea I agree, it isn't. I came into this matchup thinking I would definitely win but there were a few guys on his team that scared me.

First off, Drew Brees. The Saints are now 0-2 and their prolific offense has been looking out of sorts. But that doesn't take away the very real threat Brees has every game to put up huge numbers. I put Sproles at my FLEX this week for the sole purpose of taking away some of those yards. It worked out (Sproles accounted for 128 of Brees' 325 yards) but the Saint's signal-caller still had the most points on "Drew's Dream Team". I'll stick with my dynamic QBs, but that guy can sling the ball around.

Another guy I kind of expected to go off was Adrian Peterson. His match-up was against a Colts defense filled with older guys, with the exception of inside backers Conner and Freeman. I'm not sure if having younger guys in the middle was a good or bad thing when it came to Peterson, who is on his 6th season in the NFL. At the end of the day it turned out OK and both the Vikings TDs came through the air.

And now for Drew's Screw Up Of The Week...

The last guy that made me a little nervous was rookie running back Trent Richardson. He had a pretty rough outing in his NFL debut against the Eagles. With 39 yards on 19 carries, many fantasy owners, including my poor roommate, were second-guessing his talents. Drew even talked about trading away the 'Bama recruit after Week 1 ended! Just a despicable lack of faith! I kind of wish I would've made him follow through on that trade threat because Richardson came up big time this week. With 109 rush yards, 38 receiving yards, and a touchdown from each, ol' Trent racked up 36.5 points in our league. And he did it all....while riding Drew's bench! I have this conspiracy that Richardson knew about Drew's lack of faith, knew about being prematurely sat on a fantasy bench, and went off just to spite his manager.

The Sunday Sauce can be brutal, kids. I hope your Dream Team is able to wake up from this nightmare soon, Drew. Until next week...

Howard's Heroes: 261.5 (Decker Left)  Drew's Dream Team: 141.9 (Prater Left)

Howard's Heroes 2-0

Handcuffing Your Running Back

Handcuffing your RB. Sounds kinky, right? NO! Get your head out of the gutter! I'm trying to give you super-important Fantasy Football tips. Geeze...

Handcuffing your starting RB means also having their back-up on your bench. That way, when 95% of the starters are injured 3 weeks into the season, you're the guy who isn't freaking out about a miracle waiver wire pickup.

Hindsight will always be 20/20 and you hate going into a season just expecting everyone to break both of their kneecaps. However, maybe you drafted 4 kickers because you're an idiot (that's why you're reading my blog, right?). Anyway, this means you have a couple of "poo spots" on that bench. By "poo spots" I basically mean places you're sitting guys who you know aren't going to see the field for you barring some total calamity. They're just sitting on that bench, taking a big poo for your team. You don't need that.

A good rhyme to remember, because I know everyone who is out of elementary school loves learning with rhymes, is "Fill up them poo spots, with glue spots". By glue spots I'm obviously talking about running backs who stick together. Handcuffing your Fred Jackson with C.J. Spiller. Gluing your Arian Foster to the likes of Ben Tate. One goes down, their production will be passed to the back-up. If I had taking my own advice and drafted Spiller in the lower rounds of the draft, I wouldn't have had to lose sleep for 3 days before adding McFadden.

Obviously a prime example of why you need to handcuff your RB has affected me directly. Like a middle school bully, not handcuffing Jackson with Spiller walked up and pulled down my pants in front of the entire class. I was embarrassed. It was a stupid mistake and I'm paying for it today (Spiller already has 2 TDs and nearly 100 YDs in the first half currently). Don't get your pants pulled down by the bully that is wishful thinking. Handcuff your backs and avoid the embarrassment.

Top 5 Handcuffs

1. Spiller for Jackson - This one has a slight sting to it. I'd rather not talk about it anymore...

2. Jacquizz Rodgers for Michael Turner - The Falcons have became a little more spread-happy with the emergence of Matt Ryan as a big name QB. But don't let the arm of Matty Ice turn you away from the Falcon's run game. In his last 4 seasons with the Falcons, Turner has racked up 1,189 touches. He's a bruising back, listed at 5'10" 247lbs, but everyone has their breaking point. Holding up 250 pounds can't be a fun time on the knees. Now add in the grind of 8 previous NFL seasons. In his second season out of Oregon State, Rodgers is the foil for Turner's smash-mouth style of running. He only got 57 chances last year to show his quickness, and he fumbled as many times as he scored (once). But don't let that scare you away from using one of your bench spots on Rodgers.

3. Tate for Foster - Even when Foster was healthy last season, Tate was be a respectable RB2 or Flex in deeper leagues. He got right around 12 touches per game with 5.4 YDs coming on each. Should something else happen to Foster, you'll want to take advantage of the production Tate will bring when he isn't competing for playing time.

4. Michael Bush for Matt Forte - Week 1 Chicago was very excited about their pass game and the "cannon arm" of Jay Cutler. Week 2, and the 4 picks courtesy of the Green Bay Packers, might bring them back to the ground. And just a side note, Forte was sidelined early Thursday for a high-ankle sprain. Bush is usually already a good bet to play with Forte in the mix. With him gone a week or two, look for him to put up some big numbers. It's kind of sad that Bush is stuck in this position as a "handcuff back". He played the same role for me last year when McFadden went down. If he gets some more chances to show his worth, I wouldn't expect him to be stuck in that category for much longer.

5. David Wilson for Ahmad Bradshaw - Bradshaw doesn't have Brandon Jacobs to split carries with this year, and that's a very good thing for Wilson owners. The duo of Bradshaw and Jacobs were a load in the backfield. A memorable moment for me being Jacobs truck-sticking Roman Harper in the end zone. VIDEO HERE! But without Jacobs to bolster the running work, Bradshaw won't be used to being the go-to guy in New York. Another fun coincidence happened as I was writing this, Bradshaw left the game against Tampa Bay with a neck injury (a speedy recover to you, humongous man who I don't want to kill me). Look for the speedy Wilson to switch up the tempo in the Giants backfield, if not for just a couple of weeks.
(Editors Note: Andre Brown has taken up the bulk of the carries today in Bradshaw's absence. He has 71 YDs and 1 TD. Maybe I spoke too soon for David Wilson...)

Morals Of The Post

• Fill up them poo spots with glue spots, yo!
• Handcuff yo man. Two for the price of one never hurt nobody. Know what I'm sayin' ladies?! Holla! But really you'll get great production...
• Don't draft 4 kickers. Who are you? Really? 

Bird On A Waiver Wire: Making The Trade With Joe Flacco

Crap. Poo. Fiddlesticks.

All censored versions of the real words I used last Sunday when my "premiere" running back, Fred Jackson, decided he wanted to sprain his right knee ligament. I can't prove anything, but I'm pretty sure some of the guys in my league talked him into it.

Now a story about the genius of me. There I was. A wreck. Tears running down my face. Beer dribbling down my chin. And no pizza left in the pizza box. Rock bottom. The genius part hasn't happened yet, so please, quit judging.

I knew I needed a running back other than Reggie Bush if Howard's Heroes were going to compete for a championship. I also knew the man I wanted. Mr. Run DMC himself. No not, Rev Run. He has nothing to do with fantasy football. Please keep up. Darren McFadden. Darren McFadden was going to propel my team back to it's original greatness we had before Jackson hurt his knee five minutes ago. The only problem was, McFadden is a big-name back. He was already on another team. I would have to swindle him away from Car Ramrod.

Now kids gather 'round and pay attention. This is how you make a trade in Fantasy Football. And boy, did Howard's Heroes need a trade right now.

Making A Trade For Dumb Dumb Heads

1. Who You Need, Holmes? - In my case it was very basically, a running back. I knew I wanted McFadden. I also knew I couldn't be picky unless I was smart.

2. Be A Choosy-Charmy Beggar - Beggars can't always be choosers. But sometimes the beggars are just too damn charming to not throw some change at. You know how you go to Indianapolis and pass up 20 homeless people without a second thought? If that is the case, then shame on you! Homelessness is a growing epidemic affecting very real people all throughout America and it deserves at least a second thought from you! Anyway, after passing dozens of the less-fortunate without even scraping the lint out of your pockets, you may find one homeless person who you feel is worth your hard earned silver currency. Maybe this person has a cool hat on. Maybe a clever sign that says "Who am I kidding? It's for beer!". Or maybe they tell you a funny knock knock joke in passing. Whatever the reason, you got out your change and threw a couple of nickels their way. You want to be this homeless person in Fantasy Football. Don't take me literally, sell all your possessions and stop showering. Be a metaphorical homeless man. One who knows how to get all the ladies to open their change purses. Just put yourself in a spot, personally, with the person you want to trade. And then, you charm the trade nickels right out of them.

3. Who You Got, Holmes? - This category is vital! You need to scope out the team of the person you're trying to make a trade with. What are they missing? In my case, the team I wanted to trade with needed a QB and some help at WR. Even if that person doesn't know it yet, you let them know that they need help. "Hey, I noticed you're starting Tony Romo and Carson Palmer. Even if you want to run a team around Tony Romo (he's a pretty good quarterback but say this sarcastically like you know something is terribly wrong with him), Carson Palmer almost throws as many picks as he does TDs. Also, I noticed three of your receivers are questionable this week. I think I can help you out, buddy".

4. If They Need It, You GOT IT! - And if you don't got it, you better get someone convincing off the waiver wire. In my case that's exactly what happened. Car Ramrod needed a Quarterback. I had two that I was not willing to part with in Newton and RGIII. But also, Joe Flacco just came off a 300 yard game (299 if we're being nerds about it) with 2 TDs. Also, he was sitting pretty on the waiver wire. I knew if I moved in and scooped him, with the Ravens offense looking pretty prolific in Week 1, I could use him for trade fodder. Now I don't want you to go out and blindly pick up Joe Flacco thinking someone will trade with you. If someone needs a good QB, Flacco is definitely an option. Just know what the other guy (or girl, they play in more progressive leagues) wants. I knew Darren McFadden would be a pretty big acquisition and it might take a little more than a waiver wire pickup to trade for him. I decided Marques Colston would take the trade from "Ehh" to "YES! YES! YEEEEESSS!" for Car RamRod. I'm pretty happy with my current receiving core of Garcon, Cruz, and Decker. I've also got Ogletree, Amendola, and LaFell sitting my bench. Colston was a guy I was willing to give up for a running back that I desperately needed.

5. Make The Trade! - You can prepare, assemble, and talk about it as much as you want. At the end of the day, just make sure you make the trade. Did Stella quit when she lost her groove? No. She went and got her groove back. Did Howard's Heroes quit when Fred Jackson let us down again? No. We cried a little bit, but then we stopped after a couple hours...and got our groove back. If you lost someone, or just need someone new, don't give up. Get your groove back, Stellas! Make that trade and get yo man.

Morals Of The Post

• Where players are concerned, treat them like the stock exchange. Buy low (waiver wire free kind of low), sell high (Darren McFadden kind of high).
• Winners find a way to win like the winningest winners they can possibly become. There's usually always a way out of a bad Fantasy Football predicament. Take the initiative.
• Get your groove back, Stella. Just because you're 40 years old, that doesn't mean you can't hook up with Taye Diggs. Here's an IMDB link to the movie so you can get this important reference.

A Heroic Return: Week 1

We did it, kids! Howard's Heroes rang in a new season of football by steamrolling the competition. This first week the competition was my roommate, Josh, so I actually got to witness him get more and more depressed as the day wore on. Josh is my friend, he's a good guy. But anyone who dare metaphorically step on the field against Howard's Heroes is an enemy. This week, I watched my enemy squirm in his beat-up recliner as my men racked up the yards.

Every week I'll have kind of a wrap-up of the lineup I used and the guys who stepped up for me. Also, I'll talk about the guys on the other team who could never cut it on my band of all-stars. Though their were some big disappointments for me in the running back position this week (Fred Jackson's knees are made out of styrofoam), we'll make the adjustments and be ready for Week 2. Hoo-rah!

Starting Lineup (Howards Heroes)

QB- Cam Newton 303 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD, 2 Ints, 4 Rush Yds 40.7

QB- Robert Griffin III 320 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TD, 42 Rush Yds 65.2

RB- Fred Jackson 15 Rush Yds 1.5

RB- Reggie Bush 69 Rush Yds, 46 Rec Yds 11.5

WR- Victor Cruz 58 Rec Yds 5.8

WR- Pierre Garcon 109 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 33.9

WR- Eric Decker 54 Rec Yds 5.4

TE- Greg Olsen 56 Rec Yds 5.6

TE- Brandon Pettigrew 77 Rec Yds 7.7

FLEX- DeAngelo Williams -1 Rush Yds, 5 Rec Yds 0.4

K- David Akers 3 PAT, 2 40-49 FG, 1 50+ FG 19.0

Defense- Packers 30 Points Allowed, 4 Sacks, 1 Ret TD 9.0

This is it. The lineup that took me to the promised land...of Week 2, undefeated. This was a really satisfying win for me because I think I broke my roommate's spirit by beating him with two "duel-threat" QBs. Outscoring his elitist team led by Aaron Rodgers and Eli Manning with rookie RGIII and sophomore Newton gave me a renewed respect for the game of fantasy. I think Week 1 was a good concrete example of the things I preached in "Fantasy Rules To Live By". Mainly, don't get wrapped up in those projections!

The Bad Guys (Maize and Blue)

QB- Aaron Rodgers 303 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TDs, 1 Int, 27 Rush Yds 54.00

QB- Eli Manning 213 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD 27.3

RB- Michael Turner 32 Rush Yds 3.2

RB- Chris Johnson 4 Rush Yds, 47 Rec Yds 5.1

WR- Jordy Nelson 64 Rec Yds, 1 2PT 8.4

WR- Wes Welker  14 Rec Yds 1.4

WR- Vincent Jackson 47 Rec Yds 4.7

TE- Jermichael Finley 47 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 10.7

TE- Fred Davis 38 Rec Yds 3.8

FLEX- Jeremy Maclin 96 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 15.6

K- Mason Crosby 2 PAT 2.00

Defense- Ravens MNF 

Obviously, on paper, this was a matchup I should've lost. The projections that came out before games started had Maize and Blue defeating your Howard's Heroes by something like 50 points. But Howard's Heroes took the projections out for a nice seafood dinner and never called them again! 

There's obviously some changes I need to make before next week starts. DeAngelo has got to ride that pine...putting up negative rushing yards...not up in here! Really thought Stewart being gone this week would allow him to shine a little more. Also, have to find a replacement for Fred Jackson. I have someone in mind but I won't say it here until I get him off waivers for fear that my competition is reading this blog right now...

If you guys have any questions on line-ups for next week or are wondering why the hell I started who I did, just ask in the comments. Until next week...

Howard's Heroes: 205.7  Maize and Blue: 136.2

Howard's Heroes 1-0

Fantasy Rules To Live By

First off, let me just get some things off my chest...

Fantasy Football is not a game people! It's not "haha hehe I want to play Fantasy this year". Oh no. If that's the kind of attitude you have while joining a league then you are not only cheating that league, and the integrity of having a make-believe roster of NFL superstars...you're cheating yourself.

Think of Fantasy Football as anything else you do to prove how awesome you are. "Hey, Mom and Dad, I made the Deans List!" Awesome. "Hey Billy, I sure did cream you in that game of HORSE!" Awesome. "Every everybody, I picked up Victor Cruz off the waiver wire and now he's putting up some of the biggest numbers in the NFL!" Awesome. And me last year, thankfully. It really was beautiful watching that man run his 4.4 speed up the sidelines only to salsa dance in the end zone. I cried every time. Bawled like a baby when he scored two fourth-quarter TDs against the Saints. Anyway, off topic...

You should take pride in your Fantasy Football team. It is YOUR brain child. You are the one that makes the decision to start Darren Sproles in your flex spot over Torrey Smith. Is it a good decision? I don't know. But if Sproles has that big game (maybe the Saints ran 37 screen plays), you are looking like the genius. I wouldn't go so far to call the strategy level in Fantasy Football like a game of chess. But then again, I would never put it on the mindless stupidity level of checkers. There's bragging rights and pride to be won here people! So put your checker boards away, ya buffoons, and start taking notes.

Dexter Howard's Fantastical Fantasy Rules That Will Make You Fantastic At Fantasy

1. Do Your Homework! ---- Awww no, Dexter! Not homework! We hate homework! Well that's too damn bad. I wish I would've thought about that before I enrolled in college and you should've thought about that before you joined a league. Besides, this is fun homework! Figure out the guys who impressed you last year and who are looking good in the pre-season. Write out 15 people per position that you wouldn't mind adding to your ranks of extraordinary gentlemen millionaires, and then draft them. I'm old school so I had a little cheat sheet next to me throughout my entire fantasy draft. Every time one of these prospects on the list got drafted by someone else I had a routine. I would uncap my pen, sadly cross their name off the paper (which read "The Future Heroes of Howard's Heroes?"), and then curse loudly at whoever had stolen them from my team. I want you all to do the exact same thing. If you don't cuss, call that person "A lousy, pick-stealing poophead" and leave it at that.

Put so much research into your pick that you feel invested in them. You KNOW they are going to do well, because they are on your draft list. Once draft day comes around, you'll feel that sting when a player gets "taken" from you. It's kind of like getting broken up with dozens of times in one sitting. But there are plenty of other fast, muscular fish in the sea. The feeling that you get upon drafting someone you wanted I can only compare to your girlfriend taking you back. And then you saying "Remember when you dumped me five minutes ago? No. No. You do not take me back. I receive you into my life and I want you to know you have a lot of trust to earn back." You showed that girlfriend. Ahhh, what a great feeling. You took my advice, and now you're on top.

2. Projections Shmoshmections ---- How many times have you and a friend been talking and they've started a sentence with "I bet"? I bet it's gonna rain today 'cuz my big toe hurts. I bet I got an 'A' on that test 'cuz I studied a lot. I bet if I buy this chick a drink and then we dance to the "Cupid Shuffle" she'll come home with me tonight 'cuz I'm awesome. Your friend was wrong every time. It didn't rain that day, your friend's big toe just hurt because they have gout. Your friend got a C- on the test because their idea of studying is listening to 2 Chainz, drinking Red Bulls and glancing down at the book during commercials for "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". Also, that girl did not, in fact, come home with your friend. She danced with him as a bet and made $20 for her troubles. You guys following me with this? You can't put so much stake into what other people think. Fantasy is no different.

In whatever league you play in they'll have these projections. Season projections, weekly projections, position rankings. It's really a lot to take in and can be kind of intimidating. Don't let it be. Projections can be good I guess for people that know absolutely nothing about the NFL, but you guys all did your homework! Remember #1? If you want to take 5th ranked Quarterback, Cam Newton, over 1st ranked Aaron Rodgers, then do it. I know I did. At the risk of sounding like the horrible song by Roxette, listen to your heart. You can listen to all these men in suits who literally get paid to make over-bearing opinions on everything in sport (best job in the world by the way), or you can make an educated decision for yourself. It's your team after all. Don't let your friend convince you it's gonna rain and then find yourself wearing a Tim Tebow poncho.

3. Live For The Waiver Wire ---- You know all those times when you were bad as a kid and your parents would say, "I wish we could trade you in for a better son"? God, it seemed to happen every day! Well, the waiver wire in fantasy is basically you finding that better son. For those who don't know what the "waiver wire" is, all that talent that goes un-drafted just kind of sits in a pool of misfit toy players. Waiting to be loved and played with by someone. That's the waiver wire.

The waiver wire is for those of you out there who know how to adapt and overcome adversity. I know I'm starting to sound very serious about Fantasy Football, but the wire holds a special place in my heart. Last year literally every running back I picked up got injured. Fred Jackson, broken leg. Darren McFadden, something about his foot. DeMarco Murray, ankle stuff. And while these are three of the top running backs in this years crop (Fred Jackson is one of my Heroes), I had to battle some adversity last year. Louisville Cardinal, Michael Bush proved to be impressive for the Raiders after Run DMC went down. I got him off the waiver wire. But not just injuries, always be scoping out that talent. If for some un-Godly reason you find yourself watching a Rams game one week, you might think "Wow, Danny Amendola is getting a lot of looks from Sam Bradford". Couldn't hurt to pick him up the following week.

4. Win ---- Nothing really to say here. Adapt and overcome my babies. I just wanted to give you guys a a little basic strategy and inspiration with this post. A Lou Holtz pep talk for starting your season if you will. Minus all the spit and drool. I'll start talking more about guys that are impressing me and depressing me in the weeks to come. Now get out there and live vicariously through seriously-talented athletes!