Oh Yea, Playoff Bound

After a 3-game losing streak in anything, one tends to get at least a minor case of depression. Whether it's losing to your sister in HORSE (it happens), having a bad streak of luck in rock-paper-scissors (chance games suck), or getting beat in a friendly game of Mario Kart (they're never friendly)....LOSING IS AWFUL!

I'm going to blame my own losing, and the depression that obviously came with it, for me not writing a blog in three weeks. I thought, "I'm writing a blog about Fantasy Football, and I can't even win a Fantasy Football game!". It's like if Lance Armstrong started up a blog called "Not Blood Doping". Or if the Long Island Medium made one called "Seriously, I Talk To Dead People, TLC Is Not Just Filling Their Time Slots With Rubbish". The point is, I had lost my credibility. Everyone knows in journalism, or in a very serious blog such as the one you are currently reading, credibility is everything. Don't worry guys. I got it back.

WIN STREAKS!! BOOYAH!

And with that bold and all-caps heading, I have gained my credibility back. Did Howard's Heroes hit a string of terribly bad luck? Yes. We'll call it luck because it kind of takes the onus off me. PR 101. Not my fault. Never my fault. But we're back on track and we're in the playoffs. Let's see the run-down of what made Howard's Heroes, extra Heroic. I mean, I finished 8-1 in the last 9 games of the season. I mean WE did. We did...

• Doug Martin- plain and simple. My wittle Muscle Hamster (or the artist formerly known as "Muscle Hamster") has been racking up the points for me. I don't know if the defense just can't see him sneaking through the line at 4.4 speed or if he is just that good, but the man has been integral to my playoff push. Remember what he did against the Raiders? (Quick reminder: 251 yards and 4 TDs). That game helped me beat my roommate. Did I mentioned I picked this guy up Week 6 when someone put him on the waiver wire?! HAHA to that someone
• Faith In Cam- Cam Newton has not had the best sophomore season. The expectations he set for himself as a frosh really kind of gave people some unrealstic expectations of what he could do with a still pretty mediocre Carolina offense. He is the offense, in a nutshell. Zone options, quick slants, screens and seam routes seem to be the way the Panthers are heading. And late in the season, it's paid off for me to keep the faith in my #1 draft pick. Last 4 weeks he's been the top producer in the NFL, fantasy points-wise. 1,077 yards and 8 TDs passing. But Dexter, isn't Cam always a run-threat and that's why you hold him in such high esteem? I'm you have a mysterious knack for reading my mind, anonymous blog-reader. He has rushed for 286 yards and 3 TDs on top of that. 
• Numbers Are For Accountants- Projections. Rankings. Defensive match-up statistics. Guys on TV who get paid to make all the wrong predictions. I try not to listen to it all. If I had, Cam Newton would've probably been traded off mid-way through the season for some tight-end that would be netting me 8 points a week. Steven Jackson wouldn't be my flex starter and consistently netting me double digit figures. I would've waited a week and not started Bryce Brown against the Cowboys (we went off). The guys on TV and whatever computer programs are running that tell you who is going to do what are a bunch of poppycock. Thats right, I cursed. Poppycock. Michael Fabiano isn't giving the Sermon on the Mount every time he speaks. Take it as another opinion and move on. You have opinions too. Maybe some good ones!

So here I am. #2 seed in the playoffs thanks entirely to my own grit and fortitude. Fantasy football takes a lot out of me every Sunday. So much so, that I can't seem to move off of whatever couch I might find myself coaching from. "GOOOO RG3! GOOOO!". Can you imagine an entire day of screaming such encouraging words? It's exhausting. But if any of you would like to strap up and play next year, I'll be waiting. Hopefully with the Sunday Sauce 2012 trophy in my possession. 

Pickin A Kicker

There is really no debating that the kicker is the least-manly of all positions on a fantasy football roster. While the other guys are running, hitting, and showing off their greased up muscles, the kicker is on the sidelines playing with tees. 

I will say when I have little Dexters (give it like 30 years or so), I'm going to encourage them to do nothing but kick footballs. Seabastian Janikowski got paid nearly 5 million dollars in 2011...for kicking a football real hard. If you ever just sit down and try to wrap your head around this (or the outrageous salaries of athletes in general) you might have one of those "dust in the wind" moments. It's like thinking about the galaxy. Or black holes. Or how God got here before anything else. That one always gets me me. 

But the reason for me getting all philosophical is to basically say KICKERS ARE IMPORTANT. It's the reason I'm going to force my children to spend hours in the backyard, bare-foot kicking medicine balls (improving strength and toughness). It's also the reason you need to take your fantasy kicker seriously. Yea, he's probably some pudgy 40-year-old man who runs a 5.4 40-yard dash, but let's not judge a book by its cover. Let's judge the book by how many yards out they can be when they put a ball through the uprights. Isn't that the truest judge of character?

Pickin' Yo Kicker

• Get A Boot- A couple current guys who are notorious for the hitting the long ball are Sebastian Janikowski of the Raiders (remember the payroll?) and David Akers of the 49ers. Both kickers are in a four-way tie for the longest field goal made with a 63-yarder. Akers and Tom Dempsey are the only two record-holders who put it through the uprights outside the thin air of Mile High Stadium. Akers is actually my current kicker and he hasn't disappointed. I'll get into more match-up and offense oriented reasons for picking a kicker, but straight power always gets the job done. It's just easier knowing if your team has the ball at the 40, there's a chance your man can put it through the uprights from 57-yards out. 
• Pick An "Ehhh" Offense- Prolific scoring offenses like the Saints or the Falcons are great...if you like getting 1 point for PATs. No. You need the offense that is only "sorta" good. You want the team with the young quarterback who can't get it done in the clutch. You want the offense who gets stupid penalties in the red zone. Remember, you're not rooting for teams in fantasy football. If that's the case, you really don't get what this is all about, do you? The highest ranked kickers in the league right now? Greg Zuerlein for the 29th ranked Rams offense (points wise), and Jason Hanson of the 14th ranked Lions. 
• Defensive Matchups- Don't be afraid to do a little research, guys. Fantasy football is, after all, a huge deal. I've devoted an entire blog to it. Also, you're reading that blog. I'm going to put two and two together and guess that you play fantasy football and want to do well. Or you're just bored. Either way, listen up. Don't be afraid to pick up a new kicker based on that week's matchup. If a team with a decent kicker is going against a bend-but-don't-break defense (Panthers, Saints, and Raiders all give up TONS of field goals), scoop that kicker up. If you have a big name guy like a Janikowski or an Akers, I wouldn't recommend putting them on the waiver wire. But I'm saying maybe find room on your bench if you see a good matchup. Or you could just be that heartless guys that drops and picks up a new kicker every week. Never getting to really know that kicker as a person or really having an emotional connection. That's cold, bro. But that's how you could play it.

Oh, Danny Boy

I love you so. Danny Amendola we're talking about here, people. Sadly this isn't an Irish love ballad. It's more of a tragic blog post about the perpetually depressing career of young Amendola. Poor guy. 

"With the 116th pick in the Sunday Sauce Fantasy Draft, Howard's Heroes select Danny Amendola" - Commissioner Goodell

This is how our affair started. With me stealing Amendola 15th round in our fantasy draft. I felt good about it for the first 4 weeks. The kid was scary quick. He was getting plenty of touches. But he did have a history. And history tends to repeat itself. 

Amendola's junior NFL year started full of promise. It ended with the Texas Tech stand-out benched after one game with a dislocated elbow. He would miss the season. 

The wide out started 2012 looking strong. He was about the only weapon on an offense that desperately needed some outs. Stephen Jackson is still a good back, but he's looking a little seasoned these days. I won't hesitate to say Amendola was the X-factor for the Rams to start off the season 2-2 (along with a pretty stout-looking defense).

From X-factor to X-rays. Amendola started off his Thursday night with a sick one-handed grab. Giving me 4.4 points for my fantasy team and a good feeling about the week. I keep the smiles to myself though. With the luck I've had the past couple of weeks, I knew it was only a matter of time before some Tonya Harding/NancyKerrigan-esque incident happened. 

"WHYYYYYYYY? WHYYYYYY?"

Laying out for a ball early in the game, Amendola looked to make a nice grab. Upon further review, the ball bounced on the ground and the big play was ruled incomplete. Bad news for Howard's Heroes. Even worse news came when I realized Danny wasn't on the field. Where'd you go, Danny?! Then I saw the worse news. Along with the ball, Danny's shoulder has also taken a pretty good bounce off the field. Amendola had his helmet off on the sidelines, wincing as trainers felt his shoulder. 

Turns out nothing is broken, but he did dislocate something having to do with his clavicle or shoulder. You get never get the real doctor's diagnosis from Rotowire. But Amendola will miss 4 to 8 weeks. Enough for me to put him on waivers. It's been fun Danny.

A moment of silence please...

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

Well that was depressing! I cried just now. Here are some receivers you can grab to replace young Amendola who might still be available in your league. 

-Brian Hartline, Dolphins

-James Jones, Packers

-Andre Robers, Cardinals 

-Nate Washington, Titans 

-Brandon Gibson, Rams 

The loss of a player is always sad. Luckily we didn't know him personally and it's just Fantasy Football so lets wipe our eyes and get the hell over it. Happy trails to Danny Amendola. Oh, Danny boy...

Mediocrity: Week 4

Howard's Heroes have hit an all-time low. 2-2...

There are certain arenas of life where batting .500 is considered a good thing:

- Baseball

- Shooting behind the 3-point arc in basketball

- The Lottery

- Talking to girls without getting slapped in the face 

- Remembering everyone's name at a family reunion 

- Times you scream "YUM!" after someone says "Red Robin"

There are many more examples, just giving you the scope of when getting it done half the time is acceptable. Notice "Fantasy Football" was not on the list. 

After two losses, my only excuse left is,  "Well, maybe it's cold season already". The change in the weather really messes with some guys...A runny nose is nothing to turn your nose up at. Both literally and metaphorically. See, if you turn your nose up when it's runny, everyone will see your boogers. And also, I was saying the situation of a runny nose is more serious than you may think. 

The replacement refs are gone. I'm fairly sure the shaking-off-the-rust period ended with Week 2. So why do my guys continue to underachieve at such an incredible rate? I have no answer. But I do want to take this moment to give Victor Cruz's mother a shout-out for her contribution to his game. Let's take a look...

A class act, that Cruz family. Maybe this week I'll have all my player's moms sneak onto the field with a bowl of Campbell's Chunky Soup. 

Here's the losing lineup...

Starting Lineup (Howard's Heroes)

QB- Cam Newton 215 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TDs, 86 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD 48.1

QB- Robert Griffin III 323 Pass Yds, 36 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD 51.9

RB- Darren McFadden 34 Rush Yds, 4 Rec Yds 3.8 

RB- Reggie Bush 67 Rush Yds 6.7

WR- Brandon LaFell Absolutely Nothing 0.0

WR- Eric Decker 79 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 13.9

WR- Victor Cruz 109 Yds, 1 Rec TD 26.9 

TE- Brandon Pettigrew 67 Rec Yds 6.7 

TE- Jermichael Finley 54 Rec Yds 5.4 

FLEX- Fred Jackson 29 Rush Yds, 1 Fum, 50 Rec Yds 5.9

K- David Akers 4 PAT, 1 30-39, 1 40-49, 2 Misses 13.0

Defense- Seattle Seahawks 19 Points, 2 Sacks, 1 Int 5.0

I was pretty satisfied with my quarterback play. Cam had a tough matchup against an undefeated Atlanta team (who just squeaked out a victory), and RGIII met expectations against a pretty weak-sauce Bucs defense (3rd-worst in the league on yards per game). Aside from that, realistically, you're not going to win with your three running backs combining for 16.7 points. 

With his combined two-week total of 27 yards (0 this week), Brandon LaFell has officially earned himself a spot on the unemployment line. It's almost like in high school when kids would get 0.4 GPAs. You almost have to TRY to do that terrible. In your head you have to say, "I will go out of my way to do as miserable as I can in every subject". That is Brandon LaFell.

I played the only undefeated team left in the league in MandingoCakeFarts (cleverly named and managed by my friend, Jordan Beam). But please, for you and me, do NOT Google "Mandingo" or "Cake Farts". You've been warned...

The Bad Guys (MandingoCakeFarts)

QB- Matt Ryan 369 Pass Yds, 3 Pass Tds, 1 Int 71.9

QB- Phillip Rivers 209 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TDs, 1 Int 29.9

RB- Arian Foster 86 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD, 8 Rec Yds 15.4

RB- DeMarco Murray 24 Rush Yds, 57 Rec Yds 8.1 

WR- Demaryius Thomas 103 Rec Yds, 1 Fum 18.3 

WR- Calvin Johnson 54 Rec Yds 5.4 

WR- Andre Johnson 56 Rec Yds 5.6 

TE- Tony Gonzalez 51 Rec Yds 5.1 

TE- Vernon Davis 28 Rec Yds 2.8 

FLEX- Cedric Benson 84 Rush Yds, 22 Rec Yds 10.6

K- Stephen Gostkowski 7 PAT, 1 30-39, 2 Misses 11.0 

Defense- Houston Texans 14 Pts, 4 Sacks, 2 Ints, 1 Fum, 2 TDs 23.0

Matty Ice. The Mattural. The Matt in the Hat. Whatever you want to call him, the man ripped my heart out this week. Like the guy in the horn helmet from Temple of Doom. He gingerly caressed my cheek, spoke some gibberish, and then bare-handed ripped my heart out. 

Overall, the Cake Farts (as they will be known from here on out) didn't play well. For the marquee matchup that this was, the #1 vs. the #2, the scores were less-than-impressive. Kind of like going to watch a prize fight and it ending in disqualification because one fighter decided to bite the other ones ear off. 

In this case, I would've been Tyson. Frustrated, on the ropes, losing, and hungry for ears. I'll be even hungrier for ears this week. I'm on a two-game losing streak but I still feel like I'm the best in the game.

Congratulations to Jordan Beam and his MandingoCakeFarts (again, stay away from Google). They are the only undefeated team in the league at 4-0.

The season is young, and so am I. The Heroes got crop-dusted by the Cake Farts. We'll have to plug our noses and come into Week 5 hungry. Hungry for ears. 

Howard's Heroes: 187.3  MandingoCakeFarts: 207.1

Howard's Heroes 2-2 

Blame The Refs: Week 3

628 yards. 3 interceptions. 1 fumble. 1 touchdown. This is the stat line for everyone on my fantasy team who isn't named RGIII or Darren McFadden. 10 of the 12 players on my team (counting a defense and a kicker), netted me 66.8 points. In Week 2, Eli Manning scored 81.8 points by himself! It was a terrible week for Howard's Heroes...

The entire replacement referee situation seems to have reached a tipping point with last night's "Well-Call-It-A-Catch-If-Golden-Tate-Can-Hug-M.D.-Jennings-In-The-Endzone" fiasco. Thank God. There is no doubt in my mind these refs directly had a hand in my players doing awful this week. Could you imagine the stress that must've been on these guys. Going out there, afraid to do anything really. For fear they might get hurt, or worse, wrongly penalized. We can talk more about these poopy refs later. Next week will be better. 

Until then...here's the lineup. 

Starting Lineup (Howard's Heroes)
QB- Cam Newton 242 Pass Yds, 3 Int, 6 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD 21.8
QB- Robert Griffin III 221 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD, 85 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD 40.6
RB- Darren McFadden 113 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD, 2 Rec Yds 34.5
RB- Reggie Bush 61 Rush Yds, 1 Rec Yd 6.2
WR- Brandon LaFell 27 Rec Yds 2.7
WR- Danny Amendola  66 Rec Yds 6.6 
WR- Victor Cruz 42 Rec Yds 4.2
TE- Jermichael Finley 60 Rec Yds 6.0
TE- Brandon Pettigrew 61 Rec Yds, 1 Fum 4.1
FLEX- Darren Sproles 62 Rush Yds 6.2
K- David Akers 1 PAT, 2 20-29, 1 Miss 40-49 7.0
Defense- Green Bay Packers 14 Pts, 1 Sck 2.0

DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO THIS LEAGUE, REPLACEMENT REFS?! 

You know when a dog's owner leaves the house on vacation, then the dog poops everywhere and chews up the furniture? That dog knows something is wrong. It wants to be happy but it just misses its owner so damn bad. All of my players (besides RGIII and Run DMC) obviously just had some Week 3 anxiety from their old friendly referees being on strike. This week I'm letting them sleep in the bed with me and giving them all Beggin' Strips. We should be fine. 

As far as my lineup goes I made a few slight changes. Garcon is still injured on my bench. Apparently the man has trench foot or something, I don't know what's going on with him. So anyway, I started the record-breaking Danny Amendola. This week the only thing he broke was my heart. At tight-end I picked up Jermichael Finley OFF THE WAIVERS (roommate got tired of having like 27 Packers on his team and gave me the tip-off). He didn't put up great numbers, but then again, neither did the Packers. Him and Pettigrew are both getting a lot of targets so I think I'll keep them around. For now...

I hate to take all the blame off of myself, REPLACEMENT REFS, so let me tell you how I screwed up this week. 

Dexter's Screw Up Of The Week 

Eric Decker? - He got 136 yards receiving (which is 23.6 points after a 100-yard game bonus), but why would I know that? Manning has been hitting Demaryius Thomas more than (insert any celebrity domestic violence joke here). You picked Chris Brown didn't you? But he has been hitting him a lot! I just figured Amendola might go off again, Victor Cruz would salsa dance a couple of times, and LaFell (and the entire Panthers offense) wouldn't take a huge dump on the field. 

So yea, that one was probably my screw up, but I'm still not taking the blame for losing. I can't read minds. I'm not Miss Cleo. Wait...you don't know who Miss Cleo is? 

If you're out there Miss, I could really use your help this week. Is Reggie Bush's knee ever going to not be bum? Check them tarot card and call me, babes. 

Wanna see the team I played?

The Bad Guys (GOB All Stars)
QB- Peyton Manning 330 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TD 55.0
QB- Andrew Luck 313 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TD, 1 Int, 50 Rush Yds 58.3
RB- Ryan Matthews 44 Rush Yds, 1 Fum, 32 Rec Yds 5.6
RB- Stevan Ridley 37 Rush Yds 3.7
WR- Dez Bryant 62 Rec Yds 6.2
WR- Brandon Marshall 71 Rec Yds 7.1 
WR- Julio Jones 67 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 12.7 
TE- Jacob Tamme 31 Rec Yds 3.1 
TE- Antonio Gates 22 Rec Yds 2.2
FLEX- Percy Harvin 89 Rec Yds, 9 Rush Yds 9.8
K- Dan Bailey 1 PAT, 2 20-29, 1 30-39 11.0
Defense- Detroit Lions 38 Pts, 2 Fum 0.0

As you can see, I played a bunch of bums this week. I don't know if this made it easier to swallow, knowing it was a fluke, or if it made me think the Football Gods were out to get me. Either way, the GOB All Stars got the better of me. But I'm not hanging my head. NOT HOWARD'S HEROES! 

Fun Fact: My friend Kyle got his fantasy name, the "GOB All Stars", from the old Dukes of Hazard television show. Bo and Luke Duke were famously referred to as "The Good Ol' Boys" by American country singer, Waylon Jennings in the theme song. It was also the nickname for the group of guys I ran around with in high school and still hang out with today. Four of those friends foolishly decided to get "Good Ol' Boy" tattoos, which will be engraved on their skin for forever and eternity. That was one of the funnest fun facts you will ever read. Real behind-the-scenes stuff...

Kyle's Screw Up Of The Week

Ehh - He could've started Antonio Brown and squeezed some more points out of one of those receiver positions, but he really had all his best guys out there. I'd say his biggest mistake just come from his continual day-to-day choices (remember the "Good Ol' Boys" tattoo?). Or maybe his screw up came on draft day, which he must've been ridiculously drunk for. He drafted Ryan Matthews with the 8th pick and Peyton Manning with the 9th. But I'm not here to be blasphemous, Kyle fair and square fluked me this week.

Damn those refs! The Heroes will rise again. Until then...

Howard's Heroes: 141.9  GOB All Stars: 174.7

Howard's Heroes 2-1

If you want to check on how drastically my team underachieved, check out last weeks score we posted. Ouch.

Crushing Dreams: Week 2

Drew's Dream Team. Such a clever name for my roommate to use for his sub-par band of misfits. There's some alliteration. Dream and Team rhyme, so that's fun. And also THEY GOT WHOOPED BY HOWARD'S HEROES! Whew...good times. And I really do mean whooped. Game wasn't even close. I kind of feel bad putting the score up on here actually. I heard some employers do internet searches of their prospective hires before they can get the job so this could literally ruin his life...

Anywho, here's the lineup!

Starting Lineup (Howard's Heroes)
QB- Cam Newton 253 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD, 71 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD 42.4
QB- Robert Griffin III 206 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD, 1 Int, 82 Rush Yds, 2 Rush TDs 50.8
RB- Darren McFadden 22 Rush Yds, 19 Rec Yds 4.1
RB- Reggie Bush 172 Rush Yds, 2 Rush TDs, 25 Rec Yds 48.7
WR- Victor Cruz 179 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 40.9
WR- Eric Decker MNF
WR- Brandon LaFell 90 Rec Yds, 25 Rush Yds 11.5
TE- Brandon Pettigrew 18 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 7.8
TE- Fred Davis 14 Rec Yds, 1 Rush Yd 1.5
FLEX- Darren Sproles 128 Rec Yds 22.8
K- David Akers 3 PAT, 1 30-39, 1 40-49 12.0
Defense- Packers 10 Pts, 7 Scks, 4 Ints 19.0

This week was really a thing of beauty. I didn't make any huge changes besides the acquisition of McFadden (who really just crapped the bed this week). Even though he didn't put up the numbers I was expecting, it makes me feel better just to have another big name back on the team next to Bush. Bush and the Miami offense that looked so terrible last week against the Texans posted 35 on the Raiders. The Raiders don't have near as good a defense as the Texans, but it was good to know Bush can put up ridiculous numbers when he is expected to do so.

Besides putting McFadden into the mix I made a couple of waiver wire pickups. One I was happy about, the other didn't pan out so well. Steve Smith was questionable this week for the Panthers and Brandon LaFell was a waiver wire pickup that no one even glanced at (in my league). He isn't the deep threat that Smith is, but I think he'll continue to put up big numbers with Newton. At TE, I picked up Fred Davis. My thinking was that RGIII would need a new favorite target in Pierre Garcon's absence. As you can see by the 14 yards Davis posted, Griffin didn't feel like utilizing his talents.

Dexter's Screw Up Of The Week

I decided that every week I will probably have one pretty big flaw in my lineup that you guys will want to know about. It probably gets frustrating feeling like you're reading a blog of this genius of the game. "Is he a real person?" you probably ask yourself. "Maybe he's just some robot who calculates statistics and the human psyche at the same time." Let me assure you I am a real person. I'm just cursed with this uncanny ability to make good judgement calls when it comes to beating both my roommates at Fantasy Football.

That being said, we all make mistakes. Here was mine this week...

Danny Amendola - He rode my bench. He tied Reggie Wayne for the first-half receptions record (with 12) and he rode my bench. I had a good feeling about the guy when I drafted him in the late rounds but I was treating him as a "wait and see" situation. I didn't know I'd only be waiting two weeks to watch him become weaponized in St. Louis. He finished the day with 160 Rec Yds and 1 Rec TD for 30.0 POINTS!!! I do pat myself on the back for recognizing the up-and-coming LaFell, but I immediately kick myself in the ass for benching the up-and-coming Amendola.

Now to the losers...

The Bad Guys (Drew's Dream Team)
QB- Drew Brees 325 Pass Yds, 1 Pass TD, 2 Int, 1 Rush TD 48.5
QB- Alex Smith 226 Pass Yds, 2 Pass TD, 7 Rush Yds 35.3
RB- Michael Bush 54 Rush Yds 5.4
RB- Adrian Peterson 60 Rush Yds, 20 Rec Yds 8.0
WR- Anquan Boldin 7 Rec Yds 0.7
WR- Brandon Lloyd 60 Rec Yds 6.0
WR- Lance Moore 30 Rec Yds 3.0
TE- Aaron Hernandez 0 Anything 0.0
TE- Kyle Rudolph 35 Rec Yds, 1 Rec TD 9.5
FLEX- Frank Gore 89 Rush Yds, 1 Rush TD, 16 Rec Yds 16.5
K- Matt Prater MNF
Defense- Bears 23 Pts, 5 Scks, 1 Int, 1 Fum 9.0

Isn't it cool how the name "Drew's Dream Team" could refer to my roommate Drew or his imaginary QB Drew Brees?!! Yea I agree, it isn't. I came into this matchup thinking I would definitely win but there were a few guys on his team that scared me.

First off, Drew Brees. The Saints are now 0-2 and their prolific offense has been looking out of sorts. But that doesn't take away the very real threat Brees has every game to put up huge numbers. I put Sproles at my FLEX this week for the sole purpose of taking away some of those yards. It worked out (Sproles accounted for 128 of Brees' 325 yards) but the Saint's signal-caller still had the most points on "Drew's Dream Team". I'll stick with my dynamic QBs, but that guy can sling the ball around.

Another guy I kind of expected to go off was Adrian Peterson. His match-up was against a Colts defense filled with older guys, with the exception of inside backers Conner and Freeman. I'm not sure if having younger guys in the middle was a good or bad thing when it came to Peterson, who is on his 6th season in the NFL. At the end of the day it turned out OK and both the Vikings TDs came through the air.

And now for Drew's Screw Up Of The Week...

The last guy that made me a little nervous was rookie running back Trent Richardson. He had a pretty rough outing in his NFL debut against the Eagles. With 39 yards on 19 carries, many fantasy owners, including my poor roommate, were second-guessing his talents. Drew even talked about trading away the 'Bama recruit after Week 1 ended! Just a despicable lack of faith! I kind of wish I would've made him follow through on that trade threat because Richardson came up big time this week. With 109 rush yards, 38 receiving yards, and a touchdown from each, ol' Trent racked up 36.5 points in our league. And he did it all....while riding Drew's bench! I have this conspiracy that Richardson knew about Drew's lack of faith, knew about being prematurely sat on a fantasy bench, and went off just to spite his manager.

The Sunday Sauce can be brutal, kids. I hope your Dream Team is able to wake up from this nightmare soon, Drew. Until next week...

Howard's Heroes: 261.5 (Decker Left)  Drew's Dream Team: 141.9 (Prater Left)

Howard's Heroes 2-0

Handcuffing Your Running Back

Handcuffing your RB. Sounds kinky, right? NO! Get your head out of the gutter! I'm trying to give you super-important Fantasy Football tips. Geeze...

Handcuffing your starting RB means also having their back-up on your bench. That way, when 95% of the starters are injured 3 weeks into the season, you're the guy who isn't freaking out about a miracle waiver wire pickup.

Hindsight will always be 20/20 and you hate going into a season just expecting everyone to break both of their kneecaps. However, maybe you drafted 4 kickers because you're an idiot (that's why you're reading my blog, right?). Anyway, this means you have a couple of "poo spots" on that bench. By "poo spots" I basically mean places you're sitting guys who you know aren't going to see the field for you barring some total calamity. They're just sitting on that bench, taking a big poo for your team. You don't need that.

A good rhyme to remember, because I know everyone who is out of elementary school loves learning with rhymes, is "Fill up them poo spots, with glue spots". By glue spots I'm obviously talking about running backs who stick together. Handcuffing your Fred Jackson with C.J. Spiller. Gluing your Arian Foster to the likes of Ben Tate. One goes down, their production will be passed to the back-up. If I had taking my own advice and drafted Spiller in the lower rounds of the draft, I wouldn't have had to lose sleep for 3 days before adding McFadden.

Obviously a prime example of why you need to handcuff your RB has affected me directly. Like a middle school bully, not handcuffing Jackson with Spiller walked up and pulled down my pants in front of the entire class. I was embarrassed. It was a stupid mistake and I'm paying for it today (Spiller already has 2 TDs and nearly 100 YDs in the first half currently). Don't get your pants pulled down by the bully that is wishful thinking. Handcuff your backs and avoid the embarrassment.

Top 5 Handcuffs

1. Spiller for Jackson - This one has a slight sting to it. I'd rather not talk about it anymore...

2. Jacquizz Rodgers for Michael Turner - The Falcons have became a little more spread-happy with the emergence of Matt Ryan as a big name QB. But don't let the arm of Matty Ice turn you away from the Falcon's run game. In his last 4 seasons with the Falcons, Turner has racked up 1,189 touches. He's a bruising back, listed at 5'10" 247lbs, but everyone has their breaking point. Holding up 250 pounds can't be a fun time on the knees. Now add in the grind of 8 previous NFL seasons. In his second season out of Oregon State, Rodgers is the foil for Turner's smash-mouth style of running. He only got 57 chances last year to show his quickness, and he fumbled as many times as he scored (once). But don't let that scare you away from using one of your bench spots on Rodgers.

3. Tate for Foster - Even when Foster was healthy last season, Tate was be a respectable RB2 or Flex in deeper leagues. He got right around 12 touches per game with 5.4 YDs coming on each. Should something else happen to Foster, you'll want to take advantage of the production Tate will bring when he isn't competing for playing time.

4. Michael Bush for Matt Forte - Week 1 Chicago was very excited about their pass game and the "cannon arm" of Jay Cutler. Week 2, and the 4 picks courtesy of the Green Bay Packers, might bring them back to the ground. And just a side note, Forte was sidelined early Thursday for a high-ankle sprain. Bush is usually already a good bet to play with Forte in the mix. With him gone a week or two, look for him to put up some big numbers. It's kind of sad that Bush is stuck in this position as a "handcuff back". He played the same role for me last year when McFadden went down. If he gets some more chances to show his worth, I wouldn't expect him to be stuck in that category for much longer.

5. David Wilson for Ahmad Bradshaw - Bradshaw doesn't have Brandon Jacobs to split carries with this year, and that's a very good thing for Wilson owners. The duo of Bradshaw and Jacobs were a load in the backfield. A memorable moment for me being Jacobs truck-sticking Roman Harper in the end zone. VIDEO HERE! But without Jacobs to bolster the running work, Bradshaw won't be used to being the go-to guy in New York. Another fun coincidence happened as I was writing this, Bradshaw left the game against Tampa Bay with a neck injury (a speedy recover to you, humongous man who I don't want to kill me). Look for the speedy Wilson to switch up the tempo in the Giants backfield, if not for just a couple of weeks.
(Editors Note: Andre Brown has taken up the bulk of the carries today in Bradshaw's absence. He has 71 YDs and 1 TD. Maybe I spoke too soon for David Wilson...)

Morals Of The Post

• Fill up them poo spots with glue spots, yo!
• Handcuff yo man. Two for the price of one never hurt nobody. Know what I'm sayin' ladies?! Holla! But really you'll get great production...
• Don't draft 4 kickers. Who are you? Really?